COVID-19- An Outsider’s Struggle

Prologue

The purpose of this piece is to showcase how different people may feel during this COVID-19 crisis. In a time where we should be supporting one another, let’s do exactly that. Let’s not point fingers, it’s not nice. If we can’t show love and respect for others, how can we expect to receive this? Be kind.

** I have been inspired to write this from my observations. I am not a writer on behalf of any sides. I am not writing in the position of “I” or “you” but rather the “We”. I may have not travelled in your shoes, but my observations are the only thing I can comment on. I hope we can come together in this crisis

Please, please note my writing here is not reflective of my own experience of potential rejection, just a subjective piece taking another angle from potential perspectives from others.

No right or wrong here. Completely an interpretative piece which may relate to some people at a deeper level as they may experience similar feelings. I give my support to anyone out there, we’re all in this together & everyone matters!!

Rejection has never tasted this bitter. The welcome felt when landing into a country with promised dreams and growth. How that memory is now tainted with that bitter-tasting rejection. The feeling of being just another disposal person and realising that my worth and acceptance was never really embraced.

Leaving a country that holds a special place but forced to leave loved ones because of circumstances only known to the bird that needed to migrate before it would be at too late, oh how my wings struggle to hold strength.

People will never understand our pains, where birth is already destined but that middle journey before death being your only control. I wish I were born into a country with stability. You see, I wish it would be more difficult to pass comments like “Go back to your own country”.

I wish it was that simple, but you see I am just like you. I am just like you seeking a life fulfilled with happiness. I didn’t choose to be brought into existence but here I am trying to prove that my existence is still worth the fight.

Sometimes I think life is so unfair- why me?

The next time I look up, I hope to see love and kindness in the eyes that see who is before them.

You see, you will never understand my pains. If you did, you would treat me differently with a pinch more of compassion. Treat people the way you’d like to be treated. I thought I understood this but now I feel so confused. I don’t understand how people would want the treatment I continue to receive- unacknowledged of the griefs that I continue to face.

The separation between the “I”, “me” and “you” has never felt so lonely. Isolation doesn’t make me feel lonely, what makes me feel like I’m fighting against the world is the absence of support or even a kind smile.

Is it okay to feel sorry for myself? Sorry to ask for some sympathy? To be recognised as beings that want to be acknowledged or waved at? “Go back to your country”.

Like a knife being cut against a wrist, I watch the droplets fall like tears. My tears beg to be noticed. I didn’t choose to be here. All I sought was happiness. After all, aren’t I a human just like you?

I don’t blame anyone. I am done blaming. I’ve realised my sorrows cannot be understood by those who don’t share the same size shoes as I do. My shoes have travelled a difficult journey but I’m sure yours has too.

But before you say “We have our own sorrows, too”, may I please interject? My intention was never to push my sorrows before yours.

No- I understand, we are all in the same boat. And maybe you are struggling more than I but this isn’t about “me” and “you”, it’s about us. We are all in the same boat. A boat full of humans. Humans. Humans with the same goal, to stay afloat.

Do you see the words “I”, “me” and “you”? Wow- I have used these words without realising its use. I guess there will always be a wall. A wall that will always exist between you and me. A “you’ and “me” that struggles to sit in one sentence without judgement.

I thank this country not for the rejection, the rejection that still has that bitter taste. I thank the country for opening its doors to have given us great experiences. I thank your kindness. I reminisce the wholesome experiences and I choose to try and ignore the pains I have experienced too.

“Go back to your country”. I guess I will never understand the intention given to these words , if whether you wanted to give the same weight and hurt as it has been delivered

“Be grateful”, “Be thankful”- yes, I am. I’m sorry if my words come across as being ungrateful, that is far from my cry.

I guess you will never understand that my shoes are wearing thin. Somehow, I have to keep that fight to find or keep the hope. We are all struggling. I acknowledge your pains. I understand, maybe I should have realised that coming here meant that I was easily disposal. That’s okay, I guess I will never understand your shoes, too.

Your shoes that have walked your country. Your eyes that see the difference between “me” and “you”. Maybe if I were in your shoes too, I would understand your thoughts. Maybe it’s two shoes that won’t have the opportunity to feel each other’s happiness and pains. And maybe that’s the bitter truth.

Maybe we can agree, even if it is only one thing- we are all searching for happiness. I have feelings, you have feelings but more importantly, we all have feelings.

Maybe your feelings are worth more than mine, I don’t know. Who is there to decide? I guess feelings are feelings, something that may be impossible to justify, no matter which end or shoes you are standing in.

I’m so confused, scared and lonely. Maybe what I have written is full of conflicting ideas where I say one thing only to clash with that same very train of thought. I don’t know. I really don’t know anymore, I am confused and filled with disarray. I apologise, I just want everything to be okay. I want everything to be okay for you and me. But more than anything I want everything to be okay for all of us.

I am thankful, so thank you. But I am also hurt. I am human, and so are you, too. All I ask is for that wall to be broken, where the hammer is breaking the strength between the “you” and “us” mentality. Let’s try to use the word “We”. At least I would feel included- even in times of happiness and pain, at least I could feel like I am worthy to belong.

The only fight we should be fighting is the cowardly COVID-19.

** Share, comment, like- what are your thoughts? No right or wrong answer. I hold no position but share a seed of thought. Remember the central point is breaking the wall between “you” and “me” and discovering what a little bit of love and kindness can do.

#AtinaDreams #COVID-19

Connect with AtinaDreams

FB page:

https://www.facebook.com/AtinaDreams/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYKvU_H9PW4u71yQZ9pZ_Vw

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/atinadreams/?hl=en  OR https://www.instagram.com/atinadreamsfashion/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/AtinaDreams 

Tumblr: https://atinadreams.tumblr.com 

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@atinadreams


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s