Figuring it out

We are all as hopeless and hopeful as each other . As much as we think we would like to think we know a lot, we actually know not much at all.

How to be content when you feel so insecure about yourself? How do you get the ball rolling when sometimes you just want to be stagnant?

What’s the point of everything? Why do we do the things we do and what is happiness?

I can’t quite figure out what my contributions to this life is and I can’t seem to get a bearing lately.

I’m just at home, typing and writing whatever comes to mind..

I have lost my targets and aims. I feel slightly hopeless and having the feelings of not caring whilst knowing this phase is one I must again get myself out of.

I have had bouts of moments where I want to be someone of influence yet I’m confronted by my recent actions. Values that I stood for now just seem hypocritical.

I have had a relapse. December 2020 with the comment “sensitive is not normal” made me incredibly upset and then things started to go downhill from there.

I look and apply for jobs that I don’t really even want yet know I have to try. I feel so out of place in these potential occupations.

I like writing but who will give me a job for doing just that?

Last year and this year have been tough for myself and my nearest. I did a lot of blaming and I realise I was projecting a lot of hate.

In hindsight I was acting and reacting out of being afraid. Afraid of how they handled me in 2015.

What can I say, I guess you just got to put your hat on and hope for a better tomorrow!


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